I would like to think I had the biggest crush on V. I mean, I like V for 4 years. Sometimes, I wonder whether I still do. V was one of those guys that didn’t care what you thought of him. He was an in-between boy (neither bad or good). There were sometimes when I thought he liked me back. Now I realize it was probably my mind playing tricks on me. There were times I wanted to confess my feelings for him but I chickened out. I was afraid that I would get rejected which would have sucked because I was in a situation whereby I could not hide in my room or skip class. Sometimes, I felt like he knew I liked him and was using it to his advantage. To save myself I had to toughen up. There were times when my crush on him got too much especially when I had “strange” dreams about us or when we were alone. Whenever I had those “strange” dreams, I made sure I didn’t talk to him throughout the whole in fear I would blurt out my feelings. I would not say we friends, we were more like acquaintances so he would not have noticed if I did not talk to him which sucked. I mean, here I was pinning over a guy would not give two f**ks about me. There was one time he randomly grabbed my hand in public which is not a big deal unless it was the guy you liked. I almost passed out. As much as I hate to say it V was my kryptonite. V was who I thought about when I had a bad day when I wake up in the morning and before I slept at night. There are days when a memory of him “pops into my head” every now and then. There are days, I wish I could see him again, to see whether my heart still pounds out my chest or my palm still gets sweaty or I become an idiot when I see him. Sometimes, I wish I could see maybe to get closure perhaps. And I have my What if’s moments. What if I told him how I felt, What if he knew how I felt and refused to acknowledge it and so many what ifs. But then again, I don’t feel like dwelling in the past. if it is meant to be it will be. If not, fine by me. Sometimes, I feel like he will forever remain the one that got away.
Till nxt tym
P.S. what is your what if’s moment? Comment below.